Tony’s proposal came as a big surprise to Amanda; as she wasn’t expecting it at all. She was dumbfounded and didn’t know which reply to give to him. Tony was aware of the fact that Amanda was still mad at him for slapping her friend but there he was, proposing to her at that critical moment.
Deep down in Amanda’s heart, she was extremely excited and wanted to yank him off the floor and scream a big “yes!”, but she just couldn’t. The fact that she was still angry with Tony made it unable for her to express how she truly felt at that moment.
“Babe I’m still kneeling and waiting for your reply, will you marry me?” Tony said. Amanda’s mind was occupied with so many thoughts of what was before her. She felt like she would be making the mistake of a lifetime if she said ‘yes’ to his proposal, and also felt that she would be missing out on the opportunity of spending her lifetime with the man she loved.
Amanda looked into his eyes and knelt on the floor with him. “Baby I’m so sorry, but I can’t accept your proposal now. I’m scared of what you are capable of doing in the future, I’m scared of how jealous and possessive you are towards me, and I’m scared of the unknown that could happen in the near future. I love you so much and wish you could show me that you can be a better man; not just for me but for yourself. You are so unpredictable and can do the unthinkable at any time. I can’t entrust my forever with a man whose character I can’t vouch for. Prove to me that you can be a better man and I might reconsider my decision” She said.
For a second, Tony felt bitter and rejected; he was heartbroken and suddenly became sober. As Amanda remained kneeling, he hugged her tightly and started tearing up. “I need you in my life babe, I have no other person but you. You are one of the reasons I look forward to each day. I adore you and love you so much that I feel so jealous and angry when someone else tried to take your attention away from me. I love hard and that’s why I try to avoid people; especially women, so they don’t enter my heart and make me a slave to them. If I could undo my feelings for you, believe me when I say I would but it’s sad that I can’t. Marry me babe, come and fill in all the void my parents left in my heart when they died. I have no siblings nor anyone special to love, I guess that’s why there’s so much love inside of me to give. I’m so sorry for hitting your friend, I promise not to do it again” Tony soberly said.
His words softened Amanda’s heart and she started tearing up with him too. There was no doubt that she loved and wanted to be with Tony, but that was not enough for her to forget all the wrongs he had done. “Let’s not rush things, I advise we take it slow and see if things gets better between us” she said.
After pouring their hearts out to each other, they got up from where they knelt and sat down at the balcony to talk. It was getting quite late and Tony had to go back home. “Spend the night with me here” Amanda suggested, but Tony turned down the offer. “Wouldn’t your sister get mad if she found out that a male visitor spent the night at your house” he enquired, “Duahh! You aren’t just anybody and I’m not a kid, just so you know; she would be very happy if you spent the night here” she said.
After much persuasion, Tony finally agreed to sleep over. Amanda informed her sister and she whole heartedly welcomed Tony in. It was quite late but Amanda was able to fix something for Tony to eat before taking his bath.
They finally tiredly retired to bed and cuddled each other tightly. Tony kissed Amanda’s forehead and drew her closer to him. Amanda wanted more of his kiss and touch so she didn’t hesitate to reciprocate everything he did to her. “Marry me, I really love you” Tony said and Amanda smiled. “Aww, my baby” she said blushing, “I really love you too but you can be so annoying at times” she added.
They cuddled each other tightly till they fell asleep in each other arms. Amanda buried her nose in Tony’s sweet signature scent; he always smelled nice and she couldn’t get enough of the way he smelt. Tony was truly a man to die for as he was attractive indeed, but his only flaw was his unpredictable temperament.
Morning came and Tony bid ‘goodbye’ to Amanda and her sister. Amanda escorted him to his car and gave him a kiss before he left, “think about my proposal and try to give me a reply soon” Tony said. She couldn’t get her mind off his proposal and didn’t know who to discuss her personal life issues with. She finally summoned up courage and confided in her sister.
“Tony asked me to marry him” she said, when she came back to the house. Her sister was shocked, “What was your reply?” she asked, “I haven’t given him one yet” Amanda said. Her sister told her to sit down so they could talk concerning the situation. “Do you love him?” she asked, “With all my heart” Amanda confessed, “Are you ready
“Are you ready to marry him and are you sure you are willing to go down this road with him? Her sister enquire but Amanda remained mute.
That question was a serious one and she didn’t know which reply to give her sister. Amanda was mute and couldn’t say anything. Her silence was enough clue for her sister to know what the answer was. “Don’t ever say ‘I Do’ to a man you have doubts about, even if the doubt is as small as a mustard seed. Until, only until you are totally convinced about someone you want to spend the rest of your life with, don’t say ‘I Do” her sister advised.
Those words that came out of her sister’s mouth gave her a reality check up. She was sober and dwelt on those words, even after they were done with their conversation. Amanda knew deep down that she had numerous doubts about Tony and her sister only added more flames to the already burning fire.
It was Sunday so Amanda went to church and poured her heart out to God concerning Tony. She apologized for every wrong she had committed and asked God to help her make the right decision. That day was a sober one for Amanda, as she couldn’t stop thinking about what course of action or decision to take in her relationship with Tony.
After feeling sober all day, she called Tony later in the evening to give him an answer to his proposal. “Hi baby” Amanda greeted when he picked, “Hello darling, how was your day?” he asked, “It was good” she replied. Before they could talk further, Tony paused the conversation and asked in a low tone “How about my proposal? Will you marry me babe?”
Amanda’s heart skipped several beats and she held her chest in the process. She paused a little, took a deep breath and soberly said “I’m so sorry baby, but I can’t marry you”.
Tony almost dropped dead due to shock and asked “Why?”
Rejection is not a pleasant feeling to experience and it’s sad that Tony’s was made to feel that way by the person he dearly loved. Amanda felt bad for turning his proposal down but who could blame her; not after all Tony had done in the past. They loved each other dearly but that didn’t mean ‘forever’ was their fate. Tony was greatly disappointed and heartbroken but still didn’t want to give up on making Amanda his wife.
“Why don’t you want to marry me?” Tony enquired but Amanda remained mute. “Baby I asked you a question, why don’t you want to marry me” he repeated and Amanda broke the silence. “Tony I’m scared, and that’s enough reason to conclude that marrying you isn’t the best decision for me. You are the best and sweetest man I have ever met; like it’s crazy knowing that you are one of the best things that ever happened to me but I can’t have you. I don’t want to live in fear each day for the rest of my life, knowing that my husband is unstable and unpredictable. I love you so much Tony but that’s not enough to trade my lifetime happiness and peace” Amanda sadly said.
It took Tony a while to actually realise that he was the one that brought this upon himself. He felt heartbroken the more, knowing that this was how Amanda perceived a lifetime with him; but that didn’t stop him either, as he was determined to have her or no one else.
“Amanda, can we see tomorrow and talk properly, there’s so much I want to tell you and don’t want to say it over the phone” Tony said in a low tone. They agreed to meet at his house the next day, so they could talk face to face on the fate of their relationship. “I love you babe, see you tomorrow” Tony said and ended the call.
All through the remaining hours of that day, Amanda couldn’t think of anything else other than Tony. She loved him from the depths of her heart and couldn’t believe that she actually turned him down; “I just wish we didn’t have to go through all this, I wish Tony wasn’t this scary and unpredictable person. How can I live the rest of my life in fear of the unknown? I love him so much but I’m scared” she thought to herself all night.
On the other hand, it was a lonely day for Tony. He hugged his pillow all night and felt empty and rejected. There was no doubt that Tony truly loved Amanda with all his heart; the only problem he had was that his excess love for her had turned into obsession.
Tony wanted to see Amanda every minute if possible. He wanted to breathe her air, replace her shadow, always be in her space and never set his eyes away from her. I wonder what manner of love could be this strong that it leaves one miserable without the other. Love has a thousand meaning, but the only interpretation of love in Tony’s dictionary was ‘Amanda’ and spending the rest of his life without her would be miserable for him.
After work the next day, Tony came to pick Amanda up from her office. They first went to the mall to get some groceries before heading to his house. The ride home was an awkward one, and they tried as much as possible to avoid eye contacts.
They arrived Tony’s house in no time and headed to the kitchen to drop what they had bought. Amanda tried so hard not to look into his eyes whenever they talked. Tony was nervous of what the outcome of their conversation would be. He silently prayed that things would turn out well.
After they were done offloading the car of what was bought from the mall, Amanda laid down on the parlour couch while Tony prepared dinner. He told her to rest and leave everything to him.
As Amanda laid on the couch, she couldn’t help but think about how she was going to tell the man she loved to his face, that she wasn’t going to marry him. “What if he gets so mad and hurt me?” She thought, “I really love him, oh God help me” she muttered.
Few minutes later, Tony walked into the parlour with a tray of garnished noodles. Amanda was very hungry because she hadn’t eaten since afternoon; she hurriedly grabbed her own plate and started eating. Tony smiled at the sight of Amanda devouring her food, “babe slow down, the food is not running” he said smiling.
Amanda ignored him and continued eating her food. “Chef Tony, I duff cap for the way you cook your noodles, thanks babe” she said as she ate. “That’s how I want to cook for you all the days of my life” Tony said. That confession made Amanda feel bad but she didn’t want to let it spoil the fun time they were having.
They finally finished eating and Amanda took the plates to the kitchen to wash them. She backed the kitchen door and didn’t know that Tony was standing at the door watching her.
After watching for a while, he said “Baby please marry me, I honestly can’t imagine my life without you”. Amanda turned at the sound of his voice, only to see him standing at the door. “How long have you been standing there?” She asked smiling, “Long enough to know that I can’t live without you”
Long enough to know that I can’t live without you” he replied and Amanda smiled.
Tony walked closer to her and planted a kiss on her neck. “Please be mine” he passionately said, “Baby I’m scared” Amanda replied and turned to face him. “Why are you scared?” he asked, “you already know so stop asking” she replied. Tony sadly looked Into her eyes and said; “I know I’m a monster who doesn’t know how to control his emotions, I know that I have done many fowl things since we started dating, I know I’m not the best of person in terms of character and I know you don’t trust me enough to put your lifetime happiness and peace into my hands. But all I want to let you know today’s that; everything I have ever done is because I love you even more than I love myself. I care for you more than I care for myself, I want you more than you want me and I can’t function properly without you. I know this is not what love is supposed to be like, but it’s sad that this is how best I know how to express my love for the person I love. Amanda, I know you deserve better than an overly temperamental man, I know you deserve the beautiful kind of love you watch in movies; I wish I could give you all that you want and in the way you want it, but it’s painful that this is how best I can show my love to you. Please don’t leave me, if anything, try and help me. I want to be a better man for you and I seriously want to try my best to change. Don’t give up on me too soon”.
On my! Tony’s words touched Amanda’s soul and she didn’t know when she started tearing up. She never thought that it would be this hard to let go. Amanda felt she was giving up on their love too soon but also felt there was no remedy to Tony’s constant outburst. “You know I love you right?” She asked and he nodded ‘yes’. “I wonder why something that can kill could feel so sweet and good” she thought to herself.
Amanda was out of the right words to say at that moment so she moved closer and hugged the love of her life. “Please don’t leave me, help me to be a better person. I want to change for you” Tony said, “That’s the problem babe, you have to decide to want to be a better person for yourself first before thinking of someone else. I want you to change because, you finally came to a realisation that you can be a better person than you are now. I want you to love from a softer and better side and not from an insecure and possessive side. You are a very good man and I would do anything for you, but the only thing I can’t do is to help you change; that decision is entirely left to you. I really want to spend the rest of my life with you, of course I would have loved to marry you. I would have loved to marry a Tony who doesn’t get too jealous, possessive or violent, but it’s sad that you are the opposite of that Tony. There’s no need to be scared; that I turned your proposal down doesn’t mean I have completely shut you out of my life. Show me you can be a better man, show me that you believe there’s more to love and life than been overly possessive and temperamental, show me you want this change for yourself and maybe, just maybe, we might have a shot in the near future. I love you my Jay jay and I believe you can be better” she said with tears in her eyes.
Tony became overly emotional and hugged her tightly with tears dripping down his eyes. “I’ll work on myself baby, I truly want to and would seek for help on how to be a better man” he said as he hugged her. They hugged each other tightly and didn’t want to let go. “I’ll be here as long as you don’t give me any reason to walk away” Amanda said sobbing.
It was an emotional evening and the two love birds took a huge step forward to becoming better people. Tony became friendlier with people and started having few friends. He attended anger management classes and read books and articles that could help him.
In no time, Tony became selfless and started seeking for other people’s betterment and happiness, other than his. The journey to being a better man wasn’t going to be easy but at least he had taken the first step.
Who knows, maybe, just maybe; he would pop the marriage question again in the future and there might just be a Big ‘Yes’!’
Change is constant so don’t condemn someone that isn’t exactly what you have pictured in your mind. People go through things that might have helped shaped their character to what it is today.
It’s very easy to hate and condemn someone but why not do the difficult thing of showing love rather. Not everyone is strong like you and me, so always spread love and in doing that, also ensure not to lose yourself in the process.
End of story!