Are Kisses Disgusting?


I remember my first kiss. I was 17, and had just graduated from high school. I was kind of a late bloomer.

One of the boys from my graduating class up and kissed me with tongue. It was gross. I didn’t have any particular feelings for him, and I wasn’t prepared anyway, for an onslaught of the dental type.

Sometime after that, I became quite enamored of kissing. I learned a lot from Raaj Mehta’s answer, but those societies that frown on kissing, or at least decline to indulge, are missing out.Image result for kissesKissing spreads germs, but not to worry. This is apparently a good thing, according to scientists. It’s always heartening to find out that whatever you’ve been doing, you should keep on doing. Usually, ‘they’ tell us to do the opposite.

One day, we’ll all wake up from being cryogenically frozen and discover, like Woody Allen, that baked potatoes with tons of sour cream and butter are the bomb for our health, that smoking kills all kinds of cancers, and that drinking alcohol confers deep insights and improves hand/eye coordination.

I went to the hospital once with a friend to visit their relative who was ill. As we walked up to her room, we saw people in freaking Haz Mat suits milling around her room.

I don’t know what she had, but I decided, since I didn’t even know her, that I would wait somewhere else during my friend’s visit.

I walked to the elevator to go down to the lobby, and saw signs posted on the outside of it that said: Look Out For MRSA On This Elevator! We Don’t Know What The Initials Stand For, But It’s Bad!

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In small print, the sign went on to say that I could either live a long life, have more children, OR I could take this elevator to the ground floor. If I chose the second option, I should take a radiation shower right after.

The sign may not have said those exact words, but I can read between the lines.

Every surface in the hospital is a teeming mass of ineradicable germs. Germs that came to this country In Search of a Better Life. Germs were standing around in scrubs, having just immigrated to this hospital.

Various articles and television shows tells how to avoid bars and restaurants. It seems people like to deposit their feces in pretzel bowls and distribute their sperm everywhere, and that’s just from the front door to the car.Image result for kissesScientists use a special green light to see these things. They’re invisible to the naked eye. Not the scientists, the feces.

However, kissing appears to be a safe occupation because the scientists with those germ-discovering lights have not shone one in anyone’s mouth lately. But they have Done Studies on kissing.

Women can smooch their way to desire and better health. Our lips have more nerve endings than a man’s, and we get turned on by touch, more than by sight.

I’m not sure who the women are they’ve been talking to, but I can state categorically that I don’t care how much I may get touched or kissed by some trolls, I’m going to be a non-starter, kiss-wise.

If Steve McQueen and Woody Allen are standing next to each other, and start making that kissing noise at me that you make when you call a dog-like at a custody hearing where a couple calls a dog and the one it runs to is the one who gets to take it home-I’d run to Steve.

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Things can get a little sticky with regard to kissing, other than the obvious. If you’re going to kiss a woman, be aware that there is testosterone in male saliva, and prolonged kissing floods the brain with dopamine.

This affects the same part of the brain as cocaine. A woman may even seem a little dazed after kissing, because dopamine affects the pleasure centers and is associated with food, sex, and drugs.

These are heady company for a kiss. To compete with ice cream, pizza, and nicotine would not be easy for anyone.

For those who like to multi-task, kissing has also been found to lower cholesterol in both men and women, so heart health and heart’s desire are both positively influenced.

Unless you eat a pizza loaded with everything, while you are kissing.Image result for kissesFalling in love, which always proceeds more smoothly with good kissing, decreases a man’s testosterone levels, and increases a woman’s. I can’t find anything remotely disgusting about testosterone. It helps me move the sofa, so I can vacuum under it.

If your guy uses kissing as an excuse not to help with the housework because he’s suddenly shy testosterone after a passionate night with you, now THAT’S disgusting. Dump him, ASAP.

Kisses spread germs, and germs are hated, so kiss me baby, I’m vaccinated!